I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
