I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
