I think im going to throw up on grandma
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
