Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
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When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
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4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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