i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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