i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
