Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
