I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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