it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
