i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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