Betty ford says i'm here all night
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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