My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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