Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
