There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
pray to the hookup gods
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
