Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
