I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
