Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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