Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
