So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
