I just made out with a guy for $7.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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