i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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