Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
