In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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