just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Randomize
