Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You ate ashes out of my bong
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
