Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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