i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
there's paper in my vomit.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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