Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
