She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I will pee on everything he values.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
