dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
