I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
