I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
