I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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