Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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