Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
