i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
