We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
