I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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