cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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