We won't sleep together?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
