just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize