and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
false alarm, still single
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
