I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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