i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
