Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i barfeds in our rink
if only i could text you this smell
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
