Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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