dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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