Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
