Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He felt like a one man threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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