i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
