Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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