So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
our cab driver is having phone sex.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize