first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
