I just threw up on my dentist
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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