I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Randomize
