fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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