i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
