Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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