so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
