Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I will be naked everywhere
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
