none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
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the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
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Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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