If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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