tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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