I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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