Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
