im drinking this country out of the recession.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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