I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
