I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
