can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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