Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
