There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
there was a trapeze. enough said
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
