i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
