I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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