If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
