I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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