made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
